Scrooged for the Holidays by Kayla Gross
Five stars because if Santa wanted me to believe in Christmas miracles, he should have delivered three Nephilim celestial soft brutes with daddy issues and magical auras a long time ago.
Listen. Greer Mallory is a stone-cold workaholic queen who wakes up every morning and chooses capitalism. Her hobbies include firing people before breakfast and handing out eviction notices like candy canes dipped in spite. She is my emotional support villain. She is my holiday icon. She is one HR complaint away from becoming folklore.
Bonus points for her being plus size and the book treating it like the normal human trait it is, instead of a personality monologue.
Then a snowstorm yeets her into Elysian Pines, which is basically Narnia, if Narnia was run by three giant supernatural men whose entire job description is
“Christmas Caroling but make it kinky.”
Enter:
Ramiel-daddy, mayor of vibe management, present moment king
Malachi-the flirty Cassian-coded and dangerously kind celestial beef
Samael-the broody bookstore death prince with a shadow magic aura that can create knots, tentacles, and emotional damage. (iykyk)
Choose your fighter
They take one look at Greer and go
OH WOW.
Oh God.
Why can’t i stop looking at her?
Why do I want her to ruin my life and my town’s mood lighting?
Greer takes one look at them and goes
Absolutely Not.
also yes.
but also, what in the peppermint mocha fever dream is happening?
Night one: she accidentally watches them get it on. Night two: she’s involved. Night three: she has seen more magical auras than a Hallmark executive on mushrooms. Days blur together in a sparkling montage of
past trauma
present thirst
future foursomes
and the slow thawing of her money goblin heart.
And then their heartbreak. They let her go. Because humans always leave and forget. Except our girl refuses to forget the nephilim daddies who rearranged her personality and her lumbar support. She comes back for them like a woman returning a library book three years late but emotionally healed.
They soul bond. They soul plant. They live very happily ever after while helping other wayward Christmas haters find their true calling; which is apparently festive group activities.
I read this entire book sweating like a sinner in a megachurch and whispering
“Yeah okay, maybe Christmas isn’t that bad actually.”
I can handle some holiday cheer if it comes with three giant half angels and a personality makeover by orgasm.
xoxo
